Rabbit on the Moon

Andy Martinez || fall 2025

No one was awake once we made it to the beach. 

Lights were down, curtains were up, besides a few dimly lit windows that still held some semblance of life. One of them caught my eye, and I stared it down like I was hypnotized. I think I was watching TV. The colors radiated off the screen, or at least the window. The way they shifted turned my head inside out. I was definitely close to throwing up. It was probably a cartoon. Could’ve been porn for all I knew. I was more focused on what came off the screen. Fuzzy pixels, glowing through a stained glass window. 

I was high as shit. My boy and I were nearing the “climax” of our trip. That was what our dealer called it. When it reaches its full potency. I felt like I was close to dropping dead right there in the sand. My eyes were strained, and every muscle of my body was tight. We had walked all the way from Uptown, picking up some keys from a buddy of mine. He wasn’t here. I’m glad he wasn’t. No matter how many times he asked to get high with us, I knew he was never really into it. I also always told him no. I was pretty protective of the guy. I knew that he’d probably end up killing himself if he went through our kind of trip. He was a good guy. He doesn’t need our kind of mess. 

I sank into the bench overlooking the beach, sweat pouring down my face like rain. It was late August, I think, but it could’ve been a long while before. I remember it being hot as a motherfuck. You ever get those summer nights when the air is devoid of any moisture, and it’s so humid you feel like you're getting boiled in a slow cooker…it was exactly like that, except we were high, so it was worse. My boy’s shirt was drenched, caked in muddy sand after fumbling his clumsy ass off the boardwalk. Tonight was his first time on acid, and it looked like his brain was frying like an egg. I felt exactly the same, maybe a bit worse. 

I could hear my heart beating, so loud I thought he could hear it, too. My breath was staggering. We had been tripping for hours, maybe even half the day. I’ve tripped out before, but this shit was different. We might’ve gotten laced, but we probably would’ve been stroking out by now. Not that it mattered. I was seconds away from calling my mom, who was dead asleep at this point, which was weird because it wasn’t even midnight yet. 

“Yo…did you see that?” my buddy asked. His eyes bulged out with nonexistent eyelids. He tilted his head slowly, staring awestruck at the apartment building in front of us. The neighborhood was quiet. Nobody was outside, except for us. It felt like we were the only two people alive, drifting away in some faraway place, where colors came alive, and everything around us felt like fragments. Like little shards just floating around, close enough to grasp. It was pretty peaceful. Like nothing bad could ever happen in this little plane of reality. We both knew it wasn’t permanent. Once the trip was over, we’d be back to where we were, on planet Earth, back to the daily servings of shit we wanted to get away from. 

My buddy and I had just graduated. Four years of us just getting by. I had gotten into a community college, nothing too exciting, since I felt there was no use putting in much effort for a computer science degree. I wasn’t trying to decode hieroglyphs or discover the cure for Alzheimer's. Shit, I wasn’t even that hung up on making six figures. I just wanted to work with computers. It was that simple. I probably would’ve been better off aiming higher, like my parents would always say. Always saying the right things, but I don’t know. It just never clicked for me. I guess back then, when they would always say it, there was less of a weight on my shoulders. I was just a kid, you know? Still am, but now I have the future to look forward to. A future I’m not too sure I’m ready for. My buddy, by some fucking miracle, got into an Ivy League. Everyone was shocked. The guidance counselor, the principal. Even his dumbass. In terms of school shit, he was a wizard in math. Everything else was easier for him. But in terms of life shit, there was a gaping hole where his brain should be. The best way I could describe him was “dumbass by choice”. He was capable of higher things, but like me, he aimed for the bare minimum. 

I didn’t stay in touch with anyone from our class after graduation. I wasn’t really close with anyone. I knew everyone, but I didn’t really know anyone, if you get what I mean? There were a few underclassmen who I chilled with, one of them was an old buddy of another buddy of mine. But I don’t talk with either one now. Our high school was small as shit, maybe 30 or so kids in the graudating class. Compared to my middle school, which was triple that per grade, there weren’t a whole lot of people to choose from. 

I drifted in my own thoughts long enough to realize I didn’t answer my buddy’s question. “I see everything…” I replied, giggling like a hyena at the colors popping before our eyes. At that point, he had forgotten even asking me anything. He just sat there, hunched over crackhead-style, gazing at his feet in sheer amazement. I was glad he wasn’t as paranoid as I thought he would be, even though it wasn’t his idea to trip out.

We both sat there, still high as shit, with no room in our heads to wonder what else to do. Despite the abundance of trippy shit still smothering my brain, I managed to form one legible thought that’s been on my mind for a few weeks. It was this one girl I knew back in class. Shockingly, I had a thing for her. There was something kinda off about her, though. You couldn’t tell on the outside. It was very subtle. Only in quick, quiet moments when you weren’t paying attention to anything, you could see her drifting off into her head. Her eyes just…blank. Then a split second later, someone would talk to her and she would switch into happy go-lucky mode, like she wasn’t just daydreaming about jumping off a bridge. 

She had the best body in the class by the way. She was also really interesting, like really cool and had cool hobbies. She usually sat alone or with a bunch of guys twice her size, most of whom had tried to get with her at least once. Sometimes it worked. It was crazy to find out she had more of a life outside of school, because back then I didn’t think she had any other friends. My attraction came out of nowhere, if I’m being honest. My buddy (the one with the keys) had been talking to her the summer before junior year, and I encouraged him to make his move. He didn’t, to the surprise of no one. I felt bad for him sometimes. It’s not like he couldn’t talk or get along with any girls; it was just that he didn’t really have the balls to go for it. He was a decent-looking guy, smart. Funny as hell. I would see the way some girls would look at him. I think he saw it, too, but he just couldn’t really grow a pair. I’m sure it was frustrating for him. I would always tell him he wasn’t fit for the school we were in, and he agreed. In some big-ass, artsy school where the kids ate fresh salad for lunch and studied shit like musical theater, he would’ve thrived. He got into a big-ass, artsy college, so I think he got his wish. He’ll definitely do well. I won’t know if he does though. Besides dropping off his shit, I don’t talk to him anymore either. 

But that’s how I got to know her, through him. She was definitely into me, that much I knew. She always touched me, played with my hair, that kind of thing. She didn’t have that blank hollow stare when she would look at me. She looked at me like she felt good about it. Like she was happy to laugh with someone. Out of all the girls I had been with (and there were a lot…unfortunately), I had never felt closer to any of them than with her. She was a human, I don’t know how to describe it. All her trouble was on the inside, you know. 

She told me she was on meds for most of high school, and went to rehab at least once. One part of me wondered if she was full of shit, but I could never tell. My buddy (the one tripping next to me) hated her ass, for no other reason than he just hated the way she dressed. She had that punky, skater aesthetic. If you ever seen an Avril Lavigne video, you know what I’m talking about. I think she put me on to her music, too. Wasn’t bad. It would usually sound bad, because I’m not into that kind of music, but since I wanted her, I was gonna vibe with it. 

Anyways, I think I’m starting to form halfway decent thoughts. She was on my mind because no one knew what happened to her. I’m talking about this girl, not Avril Lavigne. I feel like I’m constantly emphasizing shit. It would be easier to say her name, but I just don’t want to. I’m also still kinda high. But, before graduation, she had gotten off all of her socials. She ignored everyone’s texts and calls, including mine, and just fucking vanished. The teachers couldn’t give a shit. She wasn’t exactly a model student, and they pretty much had given up on her after she flunked junior year. Somehow, she still made it to the senior class, which was a mystery to even the school staff. She had never talked about college, or finishing high school for that matter, but prom night was the last time I ever saw her. Everyone thought she killed herself, which was fucked up to think about, but it wouldn’t have surprised us. I probably won’t ever know what happened to her, which sucks, because even after that night, I still had a thing for her. I even told her, and she couldn’t bring herself to reciprocate, which confused the hell out of me. I was drunk, I got mad. I said some bad shit. Don’t ask me to repeat it. Honestly, based on my reaction, it was for the best. I don’t blame her for saying no because I was a bit of a pig back then. Still am, if we’re being honest. But maybe that would’ve changed had I gone the extra mile and shown her, and maybe everyone else, that I wasn’t the stupid asshole dopehead everyone in class thought I was. I was somewhat close to normal. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about her when my buddy stood up and headed off to the side of a lamplight. “Gotta piss…” he muttered, almost like he was struggling to speak proper English. I kept my eyes on him since it was pitch black and I was scared of losing sight of him. When you’re deep into a trip, the chances of losing your shit are relatively average when with a partner. But when your partner disappears, those chances skyrocket to an absolute certainty. It happened once before, and I got spooked so bad I had to walk up to a police officer and ask where I was, trying my best to appear at least a little bit sober. If I’m being honest, I’m not even sure that I was talking to an actual police officer, because all he did was stand still and stare at me. After that, I vowed to never lose sight of my trip buddy, even at the cost of catching a glimpse of his dick.

After what felt like hours, he finished and started walking towards the beach. I stood up and marched behind him, hoping that I wouldn't trip and fall face-first into the sand. All the while I was thinking about her, through my tripped-out mind, wondering if she was even alive right now. 

We made it to the shoreline, crossing the fields of sand like hopeless wanderers. My buddy dropped himself on his ass, falling on top of the thick, muddy floor that was inches away from the ocean. I stood, staring out into the sea, watching as the waves collided with each other. I was still kind of out of it, but I felt myself edging closer to reality again. The ocean was dark, near pitch black. It rose and fell with no sign of stopping. The constant crashing rang in my ears. My buddy watched as I stared out, silently, dutifully. Cherishing the simpleness of it. 

I plopped down next to him, legs stretched out in front of me. The waves passed the shoreline, reaching my toes. It was a lot colder than expected, and it suddenly snapped me back to reality. My buddy watched as I kept staring out into nowhere, everything and everyone trapped within my thoughts. He pulled out his phone and turned it on. Turning to me, he said, “Happy birthday, dude.” 

I looked up to the sky and stared at the Moon. It was as big and bright as it could ever be, looking down on us like a big-ass eyeball. In that eyeball was a shape. Big ears, small head. It looked kind of like a rabbit. To me, at least. It was pretty cool. I wondered how something so small could be so big, and how something so big could be so far away, even if it looked close enough to grab. It was a stupid question, one of many that spiraled through my head tonight. But at that moment, it was a good question to ask. Because I was weightless. I was alone, and I knew I wouldn’t feel this good ever again.