anxiety by heaven holford

it feels like anxiety is in the air i breathe:
oppressive, like humidity or spring pollen or smog.
like it’s proliferating inside me,
growing in my mind and my stomach and the very marrow of my bones.
like it’s spreading from person to person,
contagious as the virus behind it.
it manifests in new ways every day:
digestive issues,
headaches,
restlessness,
crying,
waking up at 3 am,
hypochondria,
panic attacks,
a feeling of nameless dread,
anger,
a desire to self medicate,
nausea,
mood swings,
feeling on edge.
it’s totally overwhelming
it is big and it’s frightening
as big as i’ve ever experienced
but even so, it’s not bigger than me.