I Contain multitudes

by: Marissa Picorelli

I am someone who both gets confused when I try to sound out syllables and voluntarily checks out a book on quantum physics. Yeah, that’s right: I haven’t taken a physics class since high school and yet my ADHD has decided to hyperfixate on one of its most difficult branches. (Author’s note: To all the nerds out there foaming at the mouth at that description, don’t come at me. I literally don’t know anything about physics.) I don’t really know why, it’s just so interesting to me! I was always interested in the Schrodinger’s cat thought experiment (“The cat is both alive and dead until you open the box”), and now I just want to know more.

And okay, yeah, it feels pretty cool to just casually say, “I prefer the Many-Worlds interpretation of multiverse theory rather than the Copenhagen interpretation.” It makes me sound way smarter than I am; like, I didn’t realize I needed new glasses for months because I just assumed that everyone else also couldn’t read the board and didn’t notice I couldn’t recognize people from far away until I kept waving at people, only to realize they weren’t who I thought they were (and getting weird looks because of it). I guess a bunch of randos just think I’m super friendly now. So, am I a bit of an idiot? A fool? Yeah. But is this idiot going to explain what the hell those interpretations are? Yes—and it will probably be very incorrect. 

Multiverse theory is kind of self-explanatory: it's the theory that there are multiple universes. In quantum physics, people argue about what exactly that means and how the multiple universes manifest (they’re also called “quantum realities”). And there’s this thing called a wave-function, which for our purposes is a quantum reality where two outcomes (universes) are in a superposition where they both exist within reality. Wave-functions are kind of like the instance before you make a decision. (Again, this is an idiot’s brief explanation of a complex topic that has already been significantly dumbed down.) 

The Copenhagen interpretation says that, after a quantum event (something that could lead to different universes) reaches an outcome, the wave-function collapses and all universes that are not in that outcome cease to exist. Like, say you’re trying to decide between two pairs of glasses. Before that decision is made, you’re in a quantum reality where two different universes exist: one where you pick one pair or one where you pick the other After you decide on a pair—and your wallet gently weeps because health insurance sucks—the wave-function collapses, and the universe where you picked the other pair no longer exists. 

Now the Many-Worlds interpretation says that wave-functions don’t collapse and multiple realities/universes all coexist, we as humans just exist in one reality. So, according to the Many-Worlds interpretation, the universe where you picked the one pair of glasses and the universe where you picked the other pair both exist. (Though, in both universes you spend a ridiculous amount of money and have bad eyesight…) 

Isn’t that so interesting? I am genuinely excited to read that book and get enough of an understanding to learn about the more insane theories in quantum physics. And that’s the thing: all this stuff is pretty tame compared to some other theories! If you told me five years ago I’d be voluntarily reading and writing about quantum physics outside of class I’d laugh at you. Ugh, and don’t even get me started on how excited I am to learn about all the quantum physics drama! 

Like, the Copenhagen flops have this saying associated with them, “shut up and calculate”. :o !! How are you, as a scientist, telling people to stop asking questions? Again, I say, flops. And the Many-Worlds interpretation is a minority. Most quantum physicists think the Copenhagen interpretation is right. The Many-Worlds kings are looked down upon, and I won’t stand for it. 

There’s also at least a few instances of theorists being assassinated over their theories. (That actually may not be true, I didn’t read about why that one dude’s former student murdered him and that Wikipedia tab is long gone.) Anyways, I’m getting close to the word count and I don’t want to force the person proofreading this to have to read much more after all of that. TL;DR my current hyper-fixation is quantum physics and people who subscribe to the Copenhagen interpretation of the multiverse theory are flops. Later losers.