do the work for you

by JuJu jaworski

I walked into beloved Franny’s Space in the Lowenstein Building as the clock ticked closer and closer to 5:30. I was entering my first Movement Lab class, a staple piece of the curriculum for Theatre Majors, and despite my dance background, I felt nervous as to what to expect. The beginning of second semester had felt like a whirlwind. I loved my classes and being back in the city. I felt at home in my McKeon dorm. I knew my way around New York. I felt like I had it all figured out—and, that is what I continued to tell myself. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel myself falling into a rut of sorts. A cycle of seeking validation from my professors, from my peers, and from my parents. A cycle of checking my Google calendar and then checking it again. A cycle of to-do lists and routines. Then, in an instance, I felt my world shift.

During the beginning of our first class, Michael Ryan, my movement lab teacher this semester, said: “do the work for you.”

This statement rang in my ears the minute he said it and suddenly changed my perspective in my theatre classes this semester—and all of my classes, quite frankly. As both a student and artist, I have always lived my life to please others and gain a sense of validation. I saw myself face this truth during quarantine after being stripped from my high school environment. Suddenly, I did not have extracurriculars and teachers around me to please. I did not have pats on the back from administrators and things to check off on my to-do list. I was faced with one goal: taking care of myself. Cultivating who I am. Finding what makes JuJu JuJu.

During that period of time, I began to work on doing things for JuJu, rather than for others. This was not meant in a selfish way, but, more so, finding my own value in the work I was doing. Over the summer, I wrote my first book, I created my own zine, I made playlists in my free time, and I spent time with those I love most in this world. Then, upon entering Fordham, I fell back into my older mentality. Being back in a school environment, while energizing me in many ways, also seemed to drain me. I started to live for emails from my professors congratulating me on an assignment or getting called on in class. I was no longer living for the feeling I got when creating something, but rather the response I got from others regarding my creation. Once I was no longer feeling connected to my work and ultimately creating to grow as an artist myself, I relied solely on the “gold star” mentality.

So, upon hearing this beloved mantra from my professor in Movement Lab, I finally found myself again. I began to do the work for me. I began to just be. This still meant working hard and having hopes of pleasing my professors and peers, but, at the end of the day, it meant creating something I was proud of. Whether this was in my core classes, Theatre classes, Studio Shows, club meetings, or just a personal creative endeavor—I started to focus on what brought JuJu her joy. The mantra of “do the work for you” has served as a beacon of light in days when I find myself drowning in homework, meetings, and to-do lists. The simple perception of who we are as individuals can propel us to do great things. We just have to remember to take a breather and do the work for us.