agonizing anxiety by Cailey Koch

all-too-familiar pit in my stomach,
sinking deeper with each passing second
making me sick, that gross sensation —
do i really even matter?

words flow, but don’t make sense
then again, does anything ever?
i try to speak, but then feel silenced,
some unknown force telling me to just
“be quiet, no one wants to hear you.”

my head pounds, my heart races;
tears pool, then threaten to spill.
am i alone in this world?
does anybody really care?

all of these questions race around,
swirling within my mind, like a swarm —
a swarm of bees, stinging my brain,
reminding me that i’m the annoyance.

my chest tightens, restricted.
i take a breath, but no air passes.
restriction stops, i try again,
but only find myself gasping.

when will these feelings end,
these thoughts that plague my living?
when will a stop be put to the force
that makes me feel so alone,
so worthless, so much like a failure?
will i feel this way forever, and if so,
will it ever get any easier?