a change of scenery by panharidth in

Year after year, many college students flock to New York City in search of a life of labels or a life of love, and being a young adult in New York yields itself to glamorous shops, amazing internships, great parties and potential relationships. Even though I myself am a native, I couldn't help but be one of them. It’s only in New York where you can have more than one thing: three major newspapers, multiple media companies, two baseball teams and thousands of single guys with an invisible “pick me” sign over their heads waiting to meet the one.

     Having a knack for labels early on in my life, my search was focused on love. It turns out, a knock off is not as easy to spot when it comes to love, until it is. That is why you need help to spot them. Help also known as Jordan Ramirez*, Rachel Smith and Angelina York. My name is Corey Bradshaw** and I’m a writer. Year after year, my single friends were my salvation, and subsequently, my meal ticket. Jordan was looking for the fairy tale love, waiting to whisk some fair maiden at Buffalo University off her feet. Rachel was a disciple of self love, so it’s easy to say she loves herself more than anyone else. Angelina was a student of the “let it come to you” love where she is just living her best life at Binghamton University until the one comes to her. As for me, I was looking for something Big. Mr. Big**. Turns out, when that big thing does come around, it isn’t easy and despite the other failed relationships in my life, no one was quite big enough. I couldn't help but wonder: will anyone give you that “Big” love and when they do, will you know if it is enough?

     High school was a witness to many failed attempts at a relationship. You see, being a gay fish in a straight pond is pretty difficult. Not in the sense of feeling like an outcast, but for being happy and in love. I’ve only felt the whizzing adrenaline of love twice in high school, and though those attempts have failed, I feel as if this will propel me into some place where my second half exists.

My friends on the other hand have been down the relationship route. My friend Maria* found her true love during senior year. How lucky. Part of me remembers when we both were single and discussing the “rush” that the feeling of love gave us. Part of me wishes that I could’ve been as lucky as she was. Now she is a part of the group on Instagram that posts cute photos if her and her significant other. It’s not that I have anything wrong with that, I just want to join that exclusive membership.

     Having lunch with my friend Wilson, I couldn’t have been more open with my desire to be with someone. “God I’ve been waiting for four years now. Where is he? Am I not good enough?” Then Wilson said, “No he’s just not there yet. Listen mate, you know you’ll find him. You rule by two domains: your head and your heart. If you want to be happy let your heart rule.” Note: my heart has been ruling me and all it’s been doing is screwing me over left and right.

     Currently, in college, I’m not sure how love will make its way into my life, or what love really is and looks like. In the age of digitization, is love still the same concept we thought it was back in the day? Has technology shaped the way we fall for people or do we have to line ourselves within the right moment and time?

     That's when Jordan and I both signed up for the online dating app Tinder. Well, more like I made him an account and then I made my own. In the age of online dating, what harm could two 18-year-old boys have caused? Much to Jordan’s dismay of the idea at first, I just continued to create his profile.

     With that being said, I checked off each part in creating his perfect profile. Selfies...check. Group pictures...check. Corny but sappy bio...an absolute check. My profile on the other hand, well I thought it was great if I'm honest.

     When I raised the idea of switching profiles, Jordan didn’t seem to mind. Okay let’s see how this would work. A straight kid managing a gay kid’s Tinder and a gay kid managing a straight kid’s Tinder. That should be easy. As I filtered the settings on his profile I immediately went to work. As shallow as this sounds, I know my friend’s type so away I went. Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe right. Swipe left. Super like. Next thing you know some fancy animation took place saying, “It’s a match!”. Okay that was easy. I wonder how my profile was going. According to Jordan, nothing happened.

     This stunned me. What could have possibly gone wrong? I carefully orchestrated the perfect profile. Were people more shallow and preferable than I thought?

       Next thing you know I was met with match number two. That’s great. If this wasn’t a metaphor for my life, I don’t what was. At some point, Jordan got bored of swiping left for me and just decided to switch back. I happily agreed.

     Getting my account back I began to ask myself this question. In an age of social media and our eyes being glued to our digital devices, is there really any connection made between two online profiles? Does love still exist in the digital era? In the age of Tinder and “digitization”, it seems that the prospect of me searching for love has dwindled.

     For me, after four years of searching and falling, and then failing, in love, I just wanted a steady on-going relationship. I’m looking for the one and I don’t know how to find him. Or should he find me? I am just waiting to see and look into his Julius eyes, and maybe I could be his Romeo for more than a night.